Hey Shawn, I’m sorry I haven’t seen you in so long. I’ve got to finish cleaning up my house in Manhattan tomorrow, but you have time to hang out maybe Thurs or Fri?
I’m not sure why, but just reading things online makes me feel stronger.
I feel better and more capable and less afraid. Which is good, because like most sentient life forms, I don’t enjoy being afraid.
“I want to see, I want to feel, I want to experience everything. And I want to come out of it alive.” He stopped talking and stared at the ground, digging the toe of his hightop into the sand.
“I hope you still do when you’re done.” She replied, lightly placing her hand on his. He interlocked his hands with hers, marvelling at the perfect fit.
“What do you mean?”
“Experience has a way of changing everything.” She replied, red hair gleaming in the sunlight. She looked too sad and too old to be the same girl who had run through the garden.
“I love you.” He said. Because it seemed like the right thing to say. Because he should.
“Tell me that when you mean it.” She said, almost laughing. She used her free hand to dishevel his hair, which she knew he hated.
“Never.” He freed his hand so he could attempt to reclaim the style which he had spent twenty minutes this morning painstakingly arranging.
“I don’t know why you do that. It always gets messed up. Like life. You try to make it perfect. But it never is. It never will be.” She stood and brushed the sand off her ass, smiling. “When something goes right, it’s never what you meant and it’s always a miracle.”
He looked over at her large breasts, wishing he could admire them the way he was supposed to. He examined her ass, which he at least could approve of properly, though he wished it was a bit more firm. She took note, chuckling slightly at the look on his face.
“Don’t look at me that way,” He retorted, both shy and embarrassed. He looked back down at his shoe laces and pretended to busy retying them.
She shook her head. “It’s not like that. It’s just.” She paused a second, taking him in. “Have you ever?”
“Had a girl?” He mumbled, grabbing handfuls of sand and throwing them violently. The wind took the granules and scattered them further than he could imagine.
“Had anyone?” She replied. His head jerked up and he was startled. She sighed and looked at him sympathetically. “I know.”
He could have had a panic attack then and there but she gently mussed his hair again and it soothed him somehow. “Nevermind you don’t have to. It’s okay, it’s okay. When you said you wanted to experience everything.. I just thought I’d offer.”
“But you’re a girl.” He could barely hear his own voice as he admitted it aloud. “And I’m..”
“I know.” she said again, when it was evident he wouldn’t finish the sentence.
i’m going to stop pretending to be poignant long enough to remind you - we’ve still gotta make peanut butter pie.